That's right! Come January 20th the world's most unpopular slap-head (take that, Lex Luthor!) will find himself without gainful employment. What better way to prevent the world from forgetting his teeth-clenchingly appalling legacy (aside from surrendering to authorities over shredding the constitution and committing more war-crimes than a drunken Nazi Dalek) than to take a leaf out of Al Gore's book?
That's why, starting February, Mr Cheney will begin touring the world with his own Powerpoint slide-show, An Inconvenient Poof.
In the space of fifty minutes a man so totally unable to grasp biology he shot his friend in the face believing him to be a game bird will reveal the following amazing and terrifying facts about the phenomenon scientists across the world are calling "Global gaying":
- The average act of sodomy produces as much CO2 as four Ford Explorers;
- Gay wedding rings are made from the eyes of baby polar bears, and forged in the fires of burning Bibles;
- By 2050 the WTC memorial may be submerged by up to six feet of partying homosexuals dressed as flamingoes;
- Studies have proven that men can be rendered sterile by over-exposure to active gaydar;
- Every time someone raises an objection to Proposition 8, a fairy dies. The good kind of fairy, that is; not a fag.
That's not all, though! There are many more hideous ways in which liberals seek to bring on Armagaydon! You'll have to pay to hear the rest, though; Mr Dick Cheney might be a vicious, hypocritical, lying, onerous, vindictive power-hungry cocktard, but he's not a charity. Make sure to do your part by parting with your hard-earned cash to hear his hectoring, elsewise he might not be able to afford to make his planned sequel, Why Muslims Give You Cancer.