Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Bastards Of The World Unite!

OK, sure, so a bunch of wishy-washy liberals might be all pissed off that the Pope thinks that keeping the rainforests is no more important than ridding ourselves of homosexuals, but do you know who this is good news for? Dick Cheney!

That's right! Come January 20th the world's most unpopular slap-head (take that, Lex Luthor!) will find himself without gainful employment. What better way to prevent the world from forgetting his teeth-clenchingly appalling legacy (aside from surrendering to authorities over shredding the constitution and committing more war-crimes than a drunken Nazi Dalek) than to take a leaf out of Al Gore's book?

That's why, starting February, Mr Cheney will begin touring the world with his own Powerpoint slide-show, An Inconvenient Poof.

In the space of fifty minutes a man so totally unable to grasp biology he shot his friend in the face believing him to be a game bird will reveal the following amazing and terrifying facts about the phenomenon scientists across the world are calling "Global gaying":

  • The average act of sodomy produces as much CO2 as four Ford Explorers;

  • Gay wedding rings are made from the eyes of baby polar bears, and forged in the fires of burning Bibles;

  • By 2050 the WTC memorial may be submerged by up to six feet of partying homosexuals dressed as flamingoes;

  • Studies have proven that men can be rendered sterile by over-exposure to active gaydar;
  • Every time someone raises an objection to Proposition 8, a fairy dies. The good kind of fairy, that is; not a fag.

That's not all, though! There are many more hideous ways in which liberals seek to bring on Armagaydon! You'll have to pay to hear the rest, though; Mr Dick Cheney might be a vicious, hypocritical, lying, onerous, vindictive power-hungry cocktard, but he's not a charity. Make sure to do your part by parting with your hard-earned cash to hear his hectoring, elsewise he might not be able to afford to make his planned sequel, Why Muslims Give You Cancer.


Senior Spielbergo said...

It's probably slightly worrying that when I first saw the Pope's address the very first thing that came into my head was that you were so doing a blog post about this one...

SpaceSquid said...

You know me so well.