Monday, 24 July 2017

Game Changer

My review for the first episode of Game of Thrones season seven is up at Geek Syndicate now.

Tuesday, 11 July 2017

An Hour In The Life or Computers Make Everything So Much Easier

Ric's Monday morning mission: to have Skype working on his work computer by 11am for a call with a PhD student, TB Falsename.

10:00 Ric searches for Skype in his program files. He finds it! This is going very well.  He starts the program up.

SKYPE: Please sign in.

10:01 Ric signs in.

SKYPE: You can't use this server. Press "Try Another Server" or quit.

10:02 Ric presses "Try Another Server".

SKYPE: There is no other server.

10:03 Ric goes and fetches Phil, one of our tech support guys, for some assistance.

PHIL: Fackin update wannid, roit?

(Phil's dialogue is being spoken by an actor to protect his identity. SHIT I SHOULDN'T HAVE CALLED HIM PHIL!)
CURLY: Fackin update wannid, roit? Gizzit update, gizzit restart, maat.

10:10 Ric reads emails from terrible students complaining about their terrible marks whilst the update bar crawls upwards.

10:22 The updates end. Ric goes to make coffee whilst his computer restarts. Then, back into battle!

SKYPE: Please sign in.

10:26 Ric tries to sign in with his usual password.

SKYPE: Incorrect password. Please sign in.

10:27  Ric tries to sign in with his usual password.

SKYPE: Incorrect password. Please sign in.

10:28 Confused, Ric selects "I've forgotten my password", even though he's sure he hasn't.

SKYPE: Would you like to be reminded by email or phone?

10:29 Ric selects "email reminder".

SKYPE: An reminder has been sent to your email address.

10:30 Ric spends twenty minutes trying to write a reference for one of his most racist students whilst waiting for the email to arrive. Eventually he runs out of patience.

10:51 Ric selects "I've forgotten my password".

SKYPE: Would you like to be reminded by email or phone?

10:52 Ric selects "phone reminder", and receives text. He pushes in the seven-digit code.

SKYPE: Please enter new password.

10:54 Ric enters his usual password.

SKYPE: New password cannot match previous password.

10:55 SWEAR BREAK. 

10:57 Password reset email arrives, extending break by a further minute.

10:58 Ric enters new password.

SKYPE: You have two different Skype accounts matching this username. Please choose one.

10:59 Ric chooses work account, and the account page opens automatically in Firefox. He plugs in the ten-inch microphone with built-in tripod he sourced from the departmental secretary since the IT lads don't have any headsets for internet communication because why would they? Ric selects "test call".

SKYPE: Skype cannot operate in this browser. Choose an alternate browser.

11:01 Ric opens alternate browser and goes to Skype homepage.

SKYPE: Please sign in.

11:02 Ric signs in.  He is immediately taken to his private Skype account, but at this point hasn't the energy to care. Instead he goes straight for test call, and is pathetically pleased when his microphone records his voice and his iPod headphones relay the sound back. He's finally home free!

SKYPE: To add contact, search for their user name.

10:03 Ric types Falsename's user name into the Skype search engine.

SKYPE: User not found.  

11:04 Ric CTRL+Vs Falsename's user name into the Skype search engine.

SKYPE: User not found.

11:05 Ric phones Falsename on their mobile.

True story.

Thursday, 6 July 2017

Infinite Diversity, Finite Combinations 6.1.7

When your own writers are telling you you're sucking with new approach, maybe you should listen to them.