It's All Fun And Games Until Someone Gets Filled By Satan

This is from the fairly far-right and utterly anti-logic Corner, so I suspect they actually agree with him, but holy chickenballs, Virginia has some interesting politicians.  Would-be Lieutenant Governor E.W. Jackson:

[M]ost people are dead spirits. As such they have the nature of Satan who does not want to have anything to do with God or anyone related to Him. Of course they are not aware that they are imbued with the nature of Satan. They would be mortified by the idea of becoming Satanists or devil worshippers. Satan benefits far more from people who do not know they serve him than from those who knowingly bow to him. Your spirit was made for attachment. It is either attached to God or to Satan, but it is not neutral, no matter how much people think themselves to be. 

 My question is: if my soul is attached to Satan, why isn't my life much cooler?  I've seen Good vs Evil (man, I miss that show).  I could get some awesome shit from this deal.  I could bang Jolene Blalock in-between chase scenes in golf carts, for instance.  And that's just off the top of my head.

Still, it could be worse, I suppose.  At least I don't have the patience for yoga:

The purpose of such meditation is to empty oneself. . . . [Satan] is happy to invade the empty vacuum of your soul and possess it...You will end up filled with something you probably do not want. 

 Like bullshit, for example.