Five Things I Learned In Belcaire

Not pictured: the remote-controlled plane we were
forced to abandon on the roof. O'Neill II, we salute you.

1. If you're nervous about driving in a new country, the best thing to do is to do it on twisty turny mountain roads whilst at the wheel of a small tank.  This will bring you close to death with such regularity that you begin to welcome it simply as an alternative to the unbearable pressure.  Which is a kind of success, in its own way.

2. Carcassonne is exceptionally pretty, especially the old castle.  Indeed, it's so gorgeous, I wasn't able to focus well enough on the game of Carcassonne we played in the castle's courtyard.  That's my excuse for losing by two points, anyway: pretty scenery.  Well, that and the farmers.  Fucking farmers; they spend all game lazing around in fields only to rise up at the last moment and screw me over.

3. A private pool provides an excellent opportunity to devise interesting new games and activities.  It won't be long before I'm ready to patent my new game, named "Asymmetric Ball Touch".  The first and most basic rule is as follows: one team can touch the ball, and the other can't.  All further rules are caught up in committee; details will be released when possible.

4. Iron Sky is absolutely as good as it could ever have been, in that it's clearly rubbish, but has some surprisingly funny lines and clever ideas, a brilliantly cynical ending, and CGI that somehow manages to be almost as pretty as Julia Dietze.  Highly recommended if you're drunk and with friends. On no account watch alone and/or sober.

5. There is no finger food on this earth that can beat out the little pellets of duck fat Tomsk and Chemie found at the local farmer's market.  The only problem is finding a name fit to describe them. "Duck scratchings" was contemplated but rejected due to a lack of crunch.  "Meat raisins" was met with scorn from our resident vegetarian - though they get vegetarian bacon, which strikes me as a far greater crime against descriptive language.

In summary, a pretty damn excellent holiday.  The flight back was an utter disaster, of course, but that's getting its own post, so as not to contaminate anything here.