(With apologies to George R.R. Martin, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and if I have to, Benioff and Weiss too. Season five spoiler warning!)
Gods have smiled upon you this day
The fate of se’en nations in your hands
And vulnerable Stark children
You’ll fight with all your bravery
'Til only the direwolf stands
I’ve made sure your lives suck
Full of terrors is your night
You’ll fight for five huge books
With still no end in sight
And when wolves or legs are gone
And you can’t carry on
Though you die, the Game of Thrones goes on
You may get stabbed in the head
At a wedding or at court
You may be burned to death
Or skinned alive for sport
And once I’ve tortured you
I will discard you without a thought
For, though you die, the Game of Thrones goes on
Claim Westeros! Claim Westeros!
Because the Night’s Watch’s grown too small
This time next year the Wall shall fall!
Tomorrow night my life will change
Tomorrow night rule I’ll reclaim
An execution, for “Septa Shite”, tomorrow night
Back home there is too much room
There zombies roam and Walkers loom
And so it’s clear back home is doomed
And so I must be no-one soon!
Margaery and Loras:
Shut your fucking face, Brother Fucka
You're a Gods-awful Queen Regent, Brother Fucka
Margaery: Looks like we may be out of luck
Loras: But I’m better off than in the books!
Daenerys and Tyrion:
Why did our fathers start these wars?
What can we find worth living for?
Readers: How can one yarn feel like a marathon?
(Arya: I want to be no-one)
When Westeros is dead and gone
There'll be no more Jaime or Bronn!
They may cut your dick or scrote
And send it to your dad
And though it hurts, you'll dote
On the douche who made you sad
But that's the way it goes
On this show you're shat upon
Though you die, the Game of Thrones goes ooooooooon!
(Arya: I want to be no-one!)
Claim Westeros! Claim Westeros! CLAIM WESTEROS!!