Monday, 1 June 2015

Last Night I Had The Perfect Nightmare

Last night, I had for the second time a vision of Westeros' future. Naturally the following post will be crammed full of spoilers for the TV show, since green dreams are never wrong...

The finale of this season of Game of Thrones will spill out thus: every single character in the show will enroll in that university all the geeks work at in Big Bang Theory. The episode will have most of its run-time split between the surprisingly dense lecture timetable, attempts to sneak out and play a new variant of LaserQuest modelled on Terminator: The Christian Bale One (Rise Of The Falling Helicopters), and Bronn calling Sheldon a "lanky c***".  Affairs of the heart will not be forgotten, however; Ramsay will leave Sansa for a bottle-blonde co-ed, only to realise too late that his heart remains with the Last Stark. By now Sansa is with another man, however (I think maybe Rob Lowe, but my memory there is hazy), which leads to a final scene involving a Sansa/Ramsay Hollyoaks car chase which ends with Ramsay driving his car - the General Lee with the Confederate Flag replaced with the flayed man of Bolton, which of course is vastly less disturbing - off a cliff and into the Pacific, where he is presumed drowned.

I mention this not to ruin your enjoyment of the season six finale, but by way of offering comfort. Because given how things were going, this is easily a better ending than we could possibly have hoped for otherwise.

"To the Boltonmobile!"

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