Monday, 14 September 2009

Five Things I Learned In Munich

1. Munich airport buses are tremendously badly labelled. Ingolstadt, however, is very nice at this time of year.

2. It is physically impossible to eat too many Bavarian sausages, or quaff too many litres of beer. It is possible, however, to get home and find none of the clothes you wore in the previous week fit anymore.

3. Nothing says safe sex like an anthropomorphic leering penis with a bunch of flowers. Of course, why bother attempting to acquire prophylactics at all when you can simply move directly to the Travel Pussy? (NSFW, though God help you if you need me to tell you that).

4. Randomly slapping objects with your penis is an entirely acceptable hobby in continental Europe (known as "swaffling"). Limiting this behaviour to the sides of buildings, however, is a weird fetish, and will lead to social ostracism. [1]

5. Bavarian sheep are fucking psychotic. The picture below captures an unsuspecting Ibb mere nanoseconds before a brutal ovine attack. Sharp-eyed observers will spot the malefactor preparing to strike.

I'll probably post more zoo pictures up later in the week. In conclusion, though: it's great to be home.

[1] So Dr F and Waffles tell me, anyways.

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