Monday, 12 August 2013

"Everyone Is Exactly Like Me, Right?"

If you get the chance, try reading this.  It's absolutely hilarious.  Well, it might be.  It might also be massively blood-boiling.  It depends.  But the whole thing is so utterly devoid of logic - people who shush you in cinemas is the real antisocial activity - that those are really your only two options. 

Bless him, Seitz has a go at taking this enormous pile of  self-entitled crap apart piece by piece, but really, such effort is pointless.  Dash is not a man with whom one can reason, because he quite simply cannot view the world in the way you need to if you're going to interact on the topic of your own behaviour.  He's like my friend who years ago came to my house for a video night (like I said, years ago) and talked his way through the film he didn't want to see, and shushed his way through the one he did.  He's the prick who turns up late to a party and immediately replaces the music a dozen people are listening to with whatever he's brought.  He's the inveterate gossip who becomes irate when he finds out others have discussed him behind his back.

He is, in short, the man who simply cannot grasp the fundamental concept that his own reality is no more valid than any other.  You'd think you could defeat this kind of nonsense by pointing out his interruptions are no more reasonable than those who interrupt him, but you'll get nowhere. What he does is fine because he does it.  You could point out that there are movies he'd hate to have interrupted, but he'll argue he's smart enough to wait for those to come out on DVD.  The fact that everyone taking that approach would mean anything more highbrow than The Smurfs would suddenly become financially non-viable is of no concern, because nothing has any consequences outside his own entertainment.

Still, maybe there's a way everyone can get their way.   How about we start having arsehole screenings.  They're half-price, and everyone gets to make as much noise and cast around as much light as they want. Meanwhile, everyone who messes with any actual films can be dragged into the streets and beaten to death with cinema hot dog buns.

And at long last, the world can be at harmony.

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