Tuesday, 9 October 2012

"Many Of The Truths We Cling To..."

Long-time readers will be well aware of my amateur interest in legal originalism, and my resulting interest in Antonin Scalia being locked naked in a room for all eternity with a slavering bear and sign saying "PLEASE FEED THE ANIMALS".

For the rest of you, a brief summation. In Scalia's case, originalism is the idea that you can work out any legal wrangle by sitting down, reading the constitution, and assuming the founders meant exactly what they appeared to have said, without nuance or implication.  Obviously, this is entirely fucking stupid.

There's a great article up by Richard Posner (h/t LGM) on exactly why the stupid here is both entire and involving of fucks.  The short version is this:
It is a singular embarrassment for textual originalists that the most esteemed judicial opinion in American history, Brown v. Board of Education, is nonoriginalist. In 1868, when the Fourteenth Amendment was ratified, the provision that states not deny to any person the “equal protection of the laws” meant that states... could not, without facing legal consequences, turn a blind eye to the Ku Klux Klan’s campaign of intimidation of blacks and carpetbaggers. Had the provision been thought, in 1868, to forbid racial segregation of public schools, it would not have been ratified.
One could seal the deal entirely of course by noting that what did get ratified is that slaves should only count as point six of a person.  The Constitution was written by racists and sexists, and once you edit that out, there's no foundation for arguing that all the rest of it should remain unchanging throughout time immemorial.

So, yes, originalism as a philosophy - as oppose to one of many tools in legal opinion forming - is intellectually bankrupt. I'm going over this today partially because I've only just read Posner's piece, and partially because lyndagb asked me an interesting question a couple of months ago, and I figured it was high time I addressed it.  With apologies to her for my paraphrasing, the question was this: can any links be drawn between the Constitutional originalism of conservative judges like Scalia, and the Biblical literalism that plagues so much of the Christian Right in America?

The answer, in my view, is: a little, but not really.

Monday, 8 October 2012

Guns And Butter Biscuits


So, here's a thing.  If you read this Steyn piece (h/t Rising Hegemon) and assume it's literally arguing that Sesame Street risks the death of Americans abroad by teaching them that monsters aren't scary, it doesn't make the slightest lick of sense.

If, on the other hand, you find-and-replace "monster" and "non-white", you suddenly discover an entirely coherent and desperately ugly racist screed.

Weird how that works, isn't it?

Turnabout Is Fair Play

One of my academic friends found herself on the shitty end of a terrible reviewer and their terrible review today, a slating of her work based on a fundamental misconception which could quickly have been resolved had the reviewer read the paper itself, rather than presumably burning it unopened and judging the smell of the smoke.

Indeed, their objections manage to be even more stupid than the last review I got, which contained the fabulous line "The authors must ensure they understand that they have not demonstrated clinical relevance.  In their defense, the authors do not claim they have."  That in turn was the most ridiculous thing any reviewer has said to me since I had a 36-page paper packed with horribly fiddly set theory rejected due to "insufficient mathematics."

In short, it's become very clear to me that we need to start reviewing reviewers.

And not with one of those milquetoast "Rate your experience out of five" surveys; we should be allowed to get proper digs in:
"We recommend this reviewer be rejected on the grounds they have neither the wit to grasp our work nor the honesty to admittheir failings.

The journal should feel free to resubmit this reviewer for consideration following extensive changes to their outlook, knowledge base, reading age, and sense of basic professionalism, but we cannot guarantee that this will lead to a change in stance. What if they're still a prick?"
Your move, peer-review process...

Sunday, 7 October 2012

So I Got Angry Tonight

I think one of the reasons I can't tear myself away from US politics is that it's all so horribly disgusting. It's a vision of what happens when sensible people stop pointing out when others have utterly surrendered their obligations not only to honesty, but to basic decency.

Which makes it a warning about what could happen anywhere. 

Fortunately, I think there is some way to go in the UK before anything as vicious and smugly cruel as the Republican Party gains a significant foothold (as has been noted before, the closest we have is the BNP, who  I'm far from unconcerned about, but at least don't need millions of dollars spent against them just to hopefully push them into second place maybe). For all that I loathe the Conservative Party - and am aware that a difference in tone can often just be a mask for similarities in policy - I wouldn't want to argue they're anywhere near as bad as the rabid money-grubbing bigots stinking up the New World.

Except one day, they might be.  All it takes is for enough people to stop pointing out those things that should make decent people sick.  That's all it takes.

So let's point this out., as they did in the Guardian (which is how I got hold of it).
Most commentators agree that Mitt Romney has committed political suicide by pointing out that 46pc of Americans pay no income tax.
Actually, the mistake wasn't in pointing this out, but in getting the number wrong, getting the definition of income tax wrong (the vast majority of people paying no federal income tax still pay state income tax, and since was not having to pay tax something the Republicans hated?), and arguing this 47% of people weren't worth his effort to reach out too because they're entirely addicted to suckling from the federal government's teat. You might as well argue Gerald Ratner's big mistake was admitting that he sold jewellery -
but he may have done us all a favour by raising a fundamental weakness in many developed economies – including Britain’s – which is also one of the causes of the credit crisis.
- which of course is nowhere near as stupid as implying poor people are to blame for the credit crisis, though it's always nice to be reminded that the Telegraph really is as gobshite-awful as its reputation would suggest.  I'm not going to claim total authority on the credit crisis - I'm still a near-amateur on any economic issue more complicated than present values - but the argument that things might not have gone quite so tits-up if the marks shamelessly fleeced by the great and the good had less money lying around can be most simply expressed as "if the poor had no cash then con-men wouldn't have any reason to target them", which, whilst plausible, is roughly the same logic as suggesting we end shark attacks by removing the legs of anyone expressing an interest in swimming.
Whether or not his candour costs the Republican candidate any hope of winning the Presidential Election in November, he has certainly demonstrated the modern meaning of the word ‘gaffe’ – that is, a statement of the bleedin’ obvious by someone in the public eye.
For those keeping score, the "Consumer Affairs Journalist of the Year" defines "bleedin' obvious" as a statement inaccurate both quantitatively and qualitatively. Somewhere in the realm of rhetoric, parody coughs up another wad of bloody lung, and his doctor shakes his head sadly.
Many people are understandably eager to stifle this debate – as demonstrated by the furore caused when I last asked in this space whether votes should be restricted to people who actually pay something into the system...
Ian - may I call you Ian? - no-one wants to stifle this debate, any more than they want to stifle the 1986 World Cup.  Because it's over, it's been over for a while, and you lost and need to fucking stop whining about it.  You might as well complain you'd be stifled for suggesting the British Empire should make a comeback.
I am not suggesting a return to property-based eligibility; although that system worked quite well when Parliament administered not just Britain but most of the world.
Oh.  Well, carry on then.

I'd admit that it takes some balls to come out and suggest things were just tickety-boo back when the Cabinet would squirt brandy from their nose at the very suggestion we take seriously the political opinions of anyone with skin darker than heavily-milked tea, except that this goober is writing in the pages of the Telegraph, which means he could say the worst thing about Hitler was that he died too soon to impregnate Margaret Thatcher, and he'd be more likely to receive a pay-rise than a whipping through the streets.
Today, income would be a much better test, setting the bar as low as possible; perhaps including everyone who pays at least £100 or even just $100 of income tax each year. That minimal requirement would include everyone who gets out of bed in the morning to go to work and could easily be extended to include, on grounds of fairness, several other groups.
Anyone want to guess if he mentions those too unwell or disabled for stable, long-term employment at this point?  Or those unemployed through no fault of their own? 
For example, all pensioners... all mothers.
"I think I'm going to have a heart attack and die of not surprise!"


Thursday, 4 October 2012

Travelogue

Just because I forgot to put them up at the time, and since a healthy slice of my commerati are currently sunning themselves in Italy (I would have joined them but, alas, young people needed me to expand their minds): pictures taken from halfway up a (modest) mountain in Tegernsee:








and on the lake by Bad Wiessee:


and one of the Siegestor in Munich:


I assure you, this is in no way an attempt to one-up my friend by demonstrating the ease of finding somewhere to go on holiday which offers decent beer.  And mountain cows, obviously.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

"You And Me, We Know About Time"



When I briefly flicked through responses to Who's mid-season finale over the weekend, it seemed that opinion was pretty divided. A great deal of that seems to come down to whether one thought the ending had the necessary emotional punch, or whether one saw the entire thing as a cynical act of button-pressing designed to wring maximum melodrama out of a series of ridiculous ideas.

Personally, I'm somewhere between the two; I enjoyed the episode, but I could hear the gears grinding in the background as Moffat set up each brick in the wall he needed by the episodes' end.

Anyway, I don't want to talk about the ending, because everyone else is.  Nor am I going to talk about how much effort the episode put in to contradicting not only itself, but both previous appearances of the Weeping Angels as well (though as someone elsewhere - alas, I forget who and where - pointed out, if the image of an Angel becomes an Angel, sticking them on postcards is a pretty damn stupid idea).

No, I want to talk about theories of time travel.

I'm not putting this behind a cut because I'm not intending to do much in the way of spoilering, but for those so spoilerphobic you'd bitch if someone told you the title of a given episode (and yes, such people exist), you might want to look away now, since this post revolves around a major plot point from ten minutes or so into the episode.  Basically, the Doctor discovers that a book he's reading is actually an account of what's going on in the episode - like if he was reading Sharpe whilst watching the Battle of Talavera, only worse - which leads to him saying something quite extraordinary: he can only change the events the book is based on for those sections he has not yet read.

I'll admit, there's something about that idea that's lunatic enough to appeal to me.  Basically, it leaves us with only two options: either the universe is subjective, or the universe is intelligent. And weird.

Back during the classic series, the closest we came to a coherent theory of time travel was that once the Doctor arrived, he couldn't start flitting around the nearby area with the TARDIS, or at least not in any way other than to move in space whilst remaining constant in time.  This rule was broken at least once ("Pyramids of Mars" springs immediately to mind, but no doubt there are more), but the basic idea was that the Doctor couldn't, even when he had the level of control over his TARDIS necessary to try - which wasn't often - just nip back in time and save the people who died the first time around.  If he watched someone get exterminated, that was it, there was never any way for that person to avoid that fate [1]. Moffat even made a small step towards formalising this unwritten rule during "The Girl in the Fireplace", when Mickey suggests using the TARDIS to travel to the other end of a time corridor and is told it can't be done, because they're all "part of events now".

But what have we learned now?  That the TARDIS crew become part of events not through their presence, but through their observation.  The mere act of being aware of what will happen cements that fact.  One might call it Heisenberg's Certainty Principle, though more fairly of course it should be Schrodinger's Causality Cat.

The immediate question then becomes: who is it who needs to do the observing? If Amy reads the book silently to herself, can the Doctor still not change what happens in the book? What if she reads the book then steps of the TARDIS, with the Doctor still none the wiser? What if some other Time Lord (back when there were such things) reads the book, a Time Lord who never so much as meets the Doctor?

This is what I mean about a subjective universe.  It seems ridiculous to suggest that the definition of a "fixed point" is something no time-traveler observed either directly or second hand (though see SLIGHTLY SPOILERISH footnote [2]).  It's much easier to believe that it's something internal, that a time-traveler cannot rewrite any event they themselves witnessed, or have been made aware of.

When you start thinking about it like that, everything clicks into place.  When the Doctor says "fixed point", he just means "I already know how this plays out". The only things he can fiddle with are the bits that he's got no foreknowledge of.  In other words, the Doctor could go back in time and save someone who he failed to rescue the first time around, but only if he was unaware he'd failed in the first place.

Put yet another way, it means that had the Doctor somehow forgotten what he learned through the book that risked forcing a fixed end to the episode, everything would once again have been fine.  If Schrodinger had got horribly drunk and lifted his hypothetical lid to check on the hypothetical cat, he would know then whether the cat was still alive.  But then, if he replaced the lid, passed out, and remembered nothing the next morning, his experiment is unchanged.  The cat is still both alive and dead, even if it had died before he'd opened the box, or, for that matter, if he'd killed the cat himself whilst checking its miserable prison for more booze.

This theory also explains why so many "fixed points" turn out to be well-known historical events.  This is no accident, but a feature of the Doctor's continued interest in our planet.  Moreover, it means every time he visits this world there's a few more things he knows he can't change, either because he witnesses them, or someone tells him about it.

So what happens when a Time Lord with no knowledge of X comes up against one who's seen X and knows what it involves?  Actually, that's arguably a large part of the Third Doctor's exile and struggle against the Master.  The Master turns up without the slightest clue regarding Earth's future development, and proceeds to gleefully kick over every sand castle he can find, and the Doctor knows he must be stopped, because the Doctor knows how things should look ten years later, and knows they don't involve giant space squids or rampaging sea-lizards sporting fish-net everything.

The next question regards what happens when a time-traveler inadvertently - or deliberately - changes a fixed point.  One option is that it goes horribly wrong for them - the Reapers from "Father's Day" show up and start munching through things.  The second, more interesting option, is that it genuinely can't be done.  The universe is not just subjective - in the sense that it won't allow one time-traveler to do what another could with impunity - but it is self-aware, and actively resists changes a given time-traveler would recognise as such.

This is one solution to the Grandfather Paradox.  What happens when you go back and time and try to shoot your grandfather?  You can't.  The universe will conspire to ensure it never happens.  The gun gets lost.  The bullet proves to be a blank.  Your grandfather survives but is shaken enough he swears to never speak of it again, even if he lives to see his grandchildren grow up.

Some people are quite happy with this argument.  I had an ex-girlfriend who loved time-travel stories, and singled this idea out as her favorite.  Personally, I dislike it, because of what it suggests about the following example.  I write two letters, address them to myself, place first class stamps on them, and travel a few years back into the past.  One letter contains a random series of letters and numbers.  The other contains enough details of the future to make me rich, Back to the Future 2 style.  I then post one envelope, at random, and burn the other.

So what happens?  Does the universe stop the letter no matter what it contains, because it could change the future to a noticeable extent - certainly noticeable by me? Or does the universe know somehow if the "right" letter has been posted, and step in then? Or is the choice of letter itself completely determined, and so whether or not the letter is intercepted is "known" before I even post it? That last option seems like the easiest get out, but of course I could choose the letter before I went back into the past.  I could even travel into the future and get someone else to choose it for me.  There's no way I can think of to get around the problems of the thought experiment except to say that time travel is possible but the universe is completely deterministic to the point where even when time travelers think they've changed the past, they haven't really, because if they knew the past as well as they think they did, they'd realise everything was the way it always was. To take the Star Trek IV approach "How do we know he didn't invent the thing?".

Perhaps, after an awful lot of words, that's where we have to end up.  Not so much that the universe is aware, but that time-travelers are forced only in circumstances in which they are unaware of how their actions will influence later events. To return to an old favorite, The Ring Cycle, the curse of Odin is that his knowledge is so complete; that he can see the downside in any action he might choose to take, and can therefore do nothing. There is something strangely attractive about the idea that meddling with good intentions is a net positive, even without any knowledge of the final result.  Something perhaps very human, as well.

Anyway, that's where my mind has been wandering for the last three days. Alternative takes or comments on my rickety logic are, of course, more than welcome.

[1] There was a wonderful in a '90s Doctor Who Magazine short story in which the Doctor says that for time travelers, whether or not someone is considered dead is based entirely on whether they've witnessed that death. I think that can be stretched (as in last season, for example) to being informed of their death, as oppose to it just being assumed, explaining why the Doctor was so devastated to learn of the Brigadier's death (and yes, I choked up just a little), even though had his TARDIS been twenty years further on he would be amazed to learn Lethbridge-Stewart was still tottering about.

[2] Given who proves to have written the book, of course, the "second-hand" argument doesn't track, but that didn't seem to be the implication of the episode.

You Maniacs! You Blew It Up

So much for human civilisation, people: the cyber-cockroaches have arrived.

I'm genuinely too scared to even scroll down that link (h/t Eliza, if that's the right way to note her contribution to my nightmares), so who the fuck knows who did this and why they thought it was a good idea.  Do we really need to create cockroaches that might be harder to kill?  Even the Cthulhu Mythos, that weeping goitre of a universe in which man only survives so long as nothing notices him, suggests that the future is bright for hideous beetles, at least until the cone-monsters come a-callin'.

Mark my words, we're twenty years from being forced to clean the cyborg cockroaches' mechantannae in their underground cities while they plan to colonise the dankest regions of the Milky Way.  Twenty years, tops.

On the other hand, at least we can call them "cockborgs", so it's not like there's absolutely no upside.