Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Shake #17

Today's shake: Blackjacks

Taste: 3
Texture: 4
Synergy: 2
Scorn: 9
Total Score: 2.5

General Comments: Here is what you need to know about the blackjack shake:
  • It looks like fish sperm and poppy seeds;
  • Its tastes are entirely unmixable; you start with vanilla, then get hit in the head with aniseed. You might as well be carrying an ice-cream in one hand and a blackjack bar in the other, licking each alternately. We have thus discovered the world's first step function in shake form;
  • The shake is suffused with tiny particles of blackjack that bond your teeth together, like a strange form of molecular glue. This is not a good thing, though J-Dawg has pointed out that once all my regular teeth have rotted away (presumably from doing stupid shit like drinking milkshakes all the time), I will be able to use this shake to keep my dentures in;
  • It will turn the inside of your mouth grey, making it appear as though you are riddled with Tongue Leprosy.
Conclusion: avoid.

Update: Thanks to S. Spielbergo for reminding me how to divide. Oops...


Senior Spielbergo said...

Has the rating system changed? I thought it was (Taste + Texture + Synergy – Scorn + 10) / 4 = (3+4+2-9+10)/4=10/4= 2.5?

Or is this a rare maths error?

SpaceSquid said...

It's a maths slip, rather embarrasingly, though I'm tempted to pretend it was a deliberate mistake to see whether anyone is checking over my maths.

SpaceSquid said...

'Tis fixed now.

Senior Spielbergo said...

You were pretty unlucky there as I looked at it, saw the high Scorn rating and having forgotten what Scorn was meant to represent (and realising that a high scorn clearly results in a lowering of the score because of the overall marks), and looked up the posts where it was originally discussed. Then of course I got confused because I couldn’t make the numbers work…

So the only post where I checked the numbers is the one where an error sneaked in. Pretty unlucky (or lucky I suppose if you consider accuracy important – imagine how this could have effected the charts!)