I went to a talk today that really hammered home cultural differences within the EU. The general topic was on the cardiovascular health of Eastern Europeans, but the conclusion involved, among other things, a lament that politicians from former Communist countries don't do so well at standing up for themselves within Europe as do those from western nations. Why, the question was asked, do we get David Cameron, and they get ostriches with their heads in the sand?
What a difference a few thousand miles make. I'd swap Doughface McEtonballs for a flightless bird of any size in a hot second. Emu? Done. Cassowary? Bring it on.
The only downside to such an exchange is that it would get in the way of my other plan, which is to find the legendary Badger King and have him and Cameron fight each other to the death in a pit over this thoroughly idiotic culling idea. This might seem something of an unfair fight, considering Cameron's weight advantage and clear dishonourable tendencies, but in order to clear his policy with the general public, Cameron would have to not only beat King Badger, but contract tuberculosis in the process.
At which point, whilst he lies in his sickbed coughing up blood and George Osborne's semen, we can vote in an ostrich, and everyone wins.