Wednesday, 17 July 2013
At Last The Truth!
Excellent news, comrades! Gay marriage has finally become legal in the UK! And we all know what that means!
It means our true goals can now be revealed!
Man, it's been hard keeping this inside for so long. All those long months of listening to far-sighted voices on the right arguing this was all just a preamble to ensuring it was legal for a man to marry farmyard animals, or their own children, or both at once. Everytime someone insisted we only really wanted to tie the knot with our favourite pets, I was terrified they'd finally figured out our nefarious aims.
Have you any idea how hard it's been keeping secret my desire to marry four or more tortoises and a domesticated ocelot? Fliss in particular has been asking awkward questions about the amount of lettuce I've been buying, and why I always come back from the garden shed with a huge grin on my face. I feel kind of bad that once our new goal of enshrining bestiality in law is complete, she'll have to go, but I'm sure she'll find someone else. Dogs always seem to take a shine to her, for instance.
I'd like to thank every foolish liberal-leaning sucker who's put so much effort into ensuring this day has come, when we can finally stand up in public and say "If it can be Adam and Steve, why not Adam and Sudanese Red Sea Swallow?" And let me say how happy I am for everyone who can now finally get married to people with matching sexual organs. Obvisously, I'm not sure I even want to end up with someone with a matching blood heat, but whatever floats your boat.