Monday, 30 March 2015

A Tale Of Cocktails #51

Eggnog 


Ingredients

1oz whisky
1oz rum
5oz milk
2oz cream
1 egg yolk
60g Sugar
Pinch cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon vanilla essence
Pinch nutmeg

Taste: 6
Look: 6
Cost: 8
Name: 7
Prep: 2
Alcohol: 2
Overall:  5.7

Preparation:  Beat egg yolks until light and fluffy, whilst adding sugar a little at a time. Heat milk, cinnamon and nutmeg until near boiling. Add to egg yolks and whisk furiously. Add mixture to remaining milk, stirring continuously over heat until it thickens. Remove from heat and stir in cream. Leave to cool for one hour, then add in alcohol and vanilla essence. Then chill.

General Comments: DO NOT DRINK THIS WARM! Don't make the same mistake we did. Warm egg nog tastes like risotto thrown into a blender. I have an almost unhealthy love for risotto, but even I realise that it should only be served al dente, not fluid.

Drunk when sufficiently chilled, however, and with enough nutmeg, this isn't too bad. It's sweet and thick and creamy, which is always a good combination, though it tastes so bad when warm I can't help wondering why people bother with it at Christmas. Really though, it's nothing above average, and considering the quite ridiculous level of preparation required to get it into my belly, I submit we all have better things we could be doing, or at least pummelling our internal organs with more readily assembled drinks.

Thursday, 12 March 2015

Circles And Streams


This obvious nod to Firefly is probably the most original
part of this whole damn film
 
What came first, the xenomorph or the facehugger?

Veterans of long-term blog perusal here will probably already know my feelings on 2001: A Space Odyssey. To sum up: the stuff with the apes takes far too long, the middle section is thoroughly devoid of recognisable emotion (HAL's death scene excepted), and the final section is such dreadful incomprehensible bobbins that it makes me nostalgic for the monkeys that kicked everything off.

I will bow to no-one regarding this admittedly tremendously unpopular critical position. But I will accept the argument, as was once made by a friend of mine, that the narrative of the film doesn't really give it any option but to end in nonsense. When David Bowman's journey concludes with him meeting an alien life-form utterly beyond his ability to process, it precludes our ability to process it either. We are no smarter or more evolved than Bowman, We can't grasp what he's seeing on any more useful a level than he can.

There is a similar idea which surfaces throughout Prometheus.  Indeed, with the film's set-up involving an inscrutable alien presence which may have guided our evolution for purposes unknown, the idea is perhaps all too familiar. But if Prometheus cribs liberally from Kubrik's iconic film (as well as Alien, obviously), it does at least expand on the theme.

(Spoilers follow)

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

Quck Quz

Update: Now with added spelling!

Shamelessly "liberated" from a local pub quiz, I really rather liked this round and so figured I'd give it a... well, not a wider audience, obviously, but a different one at least.

For the first ten questions, there are two six-letter word answers, with the second answer only one letter different from the first. For example:

Combat teams fight against underwater ink-squirters: Squads - Squids.

For the last five questions, instead of changing a letter for the second answer, add one instead.
  1. Courteous detectives, perhaps?     Polite - Police (Tomsk)
  2. Think about food then add condiments    Reason - Season (Tomsk)
  3. Take a fall during a gang-fight Tumble - Rumble (Dan)
  4. A psychiatrist finds themselves in a holy place    Shrink - Shrine (Tomsk)
  5. Lose your nerve before a big fight    Bottle - Battle (Pause)
  6. Give an ant a disease    Infect - Insect (Pause)
  7. An Eastern ruler with a healthy glow    Sultan - Suntan (Moddey_Dhoo)
  8. Feel a bit shook up about having a black eye    Shiver - Shiner (anonymous)
  9. Got into a scrap about nothing at all    Fought - Nought (Moddey_Dhoo)
  10. Haggle over price with an ex-US President    Barter - Carter (Moddey_Dhoo)
  11. Put into some kind of order, than blew a fuse    Sorted - Shorted (Pause)
  12. When given a faint colouring, went off    Tinted - Tainted (Pause)
  13. Product protection for someone in a ward perhaps Patent - Patient (Dan)
  14. Annoy the riverbank sportsmen    Angers - Anglers (Pause)
  15. Relish a sharp tingly sensation    Pickle - Prickle (Pause)
Good luck!

Thursday, 26 February 2015

"But That Dude From The Crow Was ESSENTIAL To The Franchise!"


Who will save our Godawful alien-human hybrid button-nosed monkeys
?
A few initial thoughts on the new Alien film, and people's reactions to it:

1) As always, I refuse to state whether or not the film will be any good before seeing the film.

2) I'm perfectly happy with the decision to ignore Alien3 and Alien Resurrection, but I understand why anyone who rates those films (and neither is as bad as they are sometimes painted) would be annoyed.

3) That said, it's by no means clear to me where we get the idea that retcons are obvious fan service, and insisting on adherence to established c.anon is somehow a pure motive which bravely ignores what other people want. There's something hilariously ironic in listening to fans of the series complaining that they aren't getting the film they want because the director is too fixated on giving fans of the series the film they want.

4) We're talking about an obvious milking of a cash cow. I'm perfectly fine with that, and it's demonstrably true that riding on the back of previous success can lead to awesome art. But let's not pretend a major motivation here is anything other than making money via persuading fans to part with their cash. Anyone who doesn't like that approach as a business model/motivation for creativity, fair play. But it's baked into the cake here, and was from the moment the words "new Alien film announced" floated into the interwebs.


5) For those snorting in disgust about the budget of the film: films that are liable to make money get big budgets these days. That's a given.  If you want to complain that this amount of money is an obscene amount to spend on generating entertainment when so many people in the world are homeless and/or sick and/or starving, then right on. Fight the power. But if you only start complaining about mega-budgets when people announce films you have a problem with (again, excepting genuinely offensive and problematic film concepts), you imply the massive amount of cash thrown at studios to create moving pictures to numb our brains for a few hours becomes a problem when you don't like their creative choices, rather than when you consider how many people's lives could be materially improved by spending that money elsewhere.

To say this is an ugly look would be colossal understatement.


6) Can I just point out once again how desperately fucking tired I am of geeks telling other geeks the things they want to see are bad? I mean, if they're bad because their bigoted or exploitative (and no, exploiting geeks by making them want stuff does NOT count), then obviously kill that stuff with rocks. But the WHOLE FUCKING POINT of being a geek is that we know damn well that there is stuff out there the general public looks down their nose at that is actually wonderful and affirming and gloriously strange. We're supposed to be all about realising that what's not remotely our cup of tea can be indescribably wonderful to someone else.  This kind of fan vs fanboy internal sniping is exactly what we're supposed to be desperately trying to avoid.

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

The Dying Of The Shite



For those not in the know, this week The Walking Dead featured a gay kiss (as oppose to one of those lesbian kisses that people somehow seem more OK with), and predictably a certain subset of the Twitterati has lost their goddamn minds.

I have gay friends who are utterly furious about this outpouring of bigotry, and I have no intention of contradicting their feelings on this, but I must confess to having a different reaction. I looked up each of the people who appeared on Bleeding Cool's list, and of those that still exist on Twitter (two of them have deleted their accounts), the average number of followers these witless arseholes can lay claim to is a mere 742 people.

This is what the out-and-out homophobes have left. Nine thousand idiots led by twelve prime idiots desperately and pathetically hanging on to an incoherent ideology that has been intellectually dead for a generation. I'm not saying these people aren't hideous. I'm not saying the gay community is wrong to view their existence as evidence of how much further society still has to go. That, quite clearly, isn't my call to make.

All I'm saying is that we're winning. And we're not winning by a small margin.

Saturday, 21 February 2015

The Stormy Present


Days Of Future Past offered Bryan Singer both a nightmare brief and the easiest task imaginable. The latter was almost absurdly simple: spend two hundred million dollars telling people X-Men: The Last Stand never happened. In this he was entirely successful, but does raise the question of whether it would have been cheaper to send a leaflet to everyone who had to sit through that film assuring them it was all a dream.

So what else do we have here? Well, that's where the nightmare brief kicks in. DoFP features at least fifteen actors who have had what could fairly be called major roles in previous X-Men films, and then adds in Bolivar Trask, Quicksilver, Blink, Bishop, Warpath and Sunspot (the last of those not even having time to be identified the film). That's a simply ungodly amount of people running around the place, and as a result almost every cast member from before First Class and many from the aforementioned are pretty badly served. I'd be amazed if Halle Berry's lines in the film hit double figures, Anna Paquin gets remarkably high billing for a silent cameo, and several characters from First Class are unceremoniously shuffled off-screen with barely a mention.

Of course, in all this ruthless streamlining the script can hardly be accused of deviating from its source material. I once read a comment on the internet - I really wish I could remember where it was and who wrote it - that essentially said the X-Men were like a company in which management never retires, leaving no room for those that follow to ever advance. One might argue that's an overstatement, but if so, it's not much of one. Ever since the X-plosion in the late '80s, it's become steadily more and more self-evidently impossible to juggle every character fans have become attached to in a way that can satisfy them all. Even the movie's cheapest stunt, declaring Angel, Emma Frost and - *choke* - Banshee died off-screen in what sound like horrific circumstances, is simply part and parcel of standard X-Men policy.  Hell, I've seen characters who were well-loved major players in comics that ran for years brutally murdered off-panel a decade later by writers who didn't even get all the victims' names right. And whilst I'm entirely aware that "Chuck Austen did it as well" doesn't constitute the most impressive of defences, his is just an extreme case of common comic practice.

(Poor Maggott.)

But whilst the script reflects the comics in many ways. it also outstrips it in one important regard. In the original "Days of Future Past" storyline, the nightmare future witnessed by Shadowcat (who travelled back herself in the comics, rather than sending Wolverine back by... actually I've now idea how she did that) was decades ahead of anything we'd seen in previous stories; one possible future brought about by many years of change.  Watching characters we loved getting massacred wasn't exactly fun, but there was a distance there - seeing their ends decades on from the time we knew them in meant their deaths could be processed at something of a remove. No such distance exists here. It might have been eight years earlier that we last saw our heroes (Wolverine aside) in Last Stand - though actually I've never seen it - but they are still recognisably the people we saw back then. In part this is the smaller time difference, and in part the advantage an actor has over a drawing. In "Days of Future Past" we learn one day a middle-aged man calling himself Colossus will die. In Days of Future Past we watch a woman who was a mainstay of the early series get stabbed to death. That is not a small difference.

Which brings me on to the future-variant Sentinels, which are just fucking horrifying, one part T-1000 to two parts the Fury, the superhero-killer from Alan Moore's Captain Britain run. I assume the link must be deliberate, and it's a damn smart choice. The brief scenes in which the Fury slaughters its way through the capes of the alternate universe whence it came still give me the shudders. This, if anything, by involving characters I know and actors I can watch emote, is even worse. The final scenes of the X-Men's actual last stand are almost certainly the most horrific and upsetting the Marvel cinematic universe has manage, going some way to making up for the fact that the original cast's role here is essentially to exposit, look sad, and die. It also allows for a smart use of a double finale, which is useful when you consider that the end moments of the '70s story - does Magneto use the weapons he's stolen from those who would kill mutants to kill those same people - which is rather reminiscent of the ending of First Class, albeit with some absolutely gorgeous Sentinels and Peter Dinklage, both of which are welcome additions.

Indeed, that's very much what the '70s scenes in the film end up feeling like, a fairly minor reshuffling of the previous film with some additional flourishes. Which in fairness, given the additional complexities of the time-travel hijinks and the second timeline, might have been a reasonable choice. Certainly the slightly reheated feel wasn't obvious to me whilst I was watching the movie, which is about all you can hope for from a blockbuster like this.

Friday, 6 February 2015

Friday Talisman: Magic Potion Sold Separately

Upgrading my phone to some baffling slab of buzzing OHP nightmare has at least allowed me to start taking pictures again.  Here's the first miniature I finished painting after moving to the new house.


I probably missed a trick not painting him as Getafix, but oh well.  At least his base is kinda cool; I stole an idea from a White Dwarf from a while and sprinkled mixed herbs on his base to represent autumn leaves.  It doesn't look too bad, I don't think, and it smells quite nice as well.