Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Extreme Measures

SpaceSquid: I've broken my debit card.
C: Through total incompetence?
SS: Through sheer manliness.
C: You snapped it in half whilst pulling it from your wallet?
SS: I sat on it.
C: So it was the sheer manliness of your arse, is what you're saying.
SS: Essentially. I'll have a new one in three days, but until then I can't get any money out.
C: Is a cunning plan in effect?
SS: Is mooching off my parents a cunning plan?
C: No. Emasculating, not cunning. You need to be self-sufficient.
SS: Specify.
C: You could plant crops, like in The Good Life.
SS: Exactly what type of harvest are you imagining can be grown in under three days? And for free?
C: I guess you could always forage in the forest, searching for nuts and berries.
SS: It's the middle of winter, for God's sake.
C: There are berries in winter. How else could Sainsbury's assemble a Winterberry Squash?
SS: Except that they're under three feet of snow. How will I see them?
C: Sight isn't the only sense, grasshopper.
SS: You know I don't have a sense of smell, you bastard. You think I'm going to hear the berries?
C: Ribena berries go "WOO!"
SS: I'm exiting the conversation.
C: You're just going to sit there and think about Felicity Kendal, aren't you?
SS: Pretty much.


jamie said...

Mmm, Felicity Kendal...

You could always try living off watercress for three days.

SpaceSquid said...

Even cress takes time to grow, and requires capital to purchase.