Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Confectionery Corner

I feel like things have gotten a little heavy around here lately, so let's take a well-earned break and have a look at an anthropomorphic jelly bean anally penetrating a sleeping orange.

This, my friends, is nothing less than a scathing indictment of contemporary society. This is not appropriate packaging for a fruit-flavour sweet.

Perhaps you are thinking "Surely 'tis but coincidence, sirrah." That is because you are pathetically naive (and also apparently a 17th century nobleman). This grotesque abuse of cartoony advertising, known by the ever-eloquent Ibb as "Orange Up-The-Bum" is joined by many other hideous examples of fruity perversion. Observe: Strawberry Sodomy:

These graphic treats are also available in Raspberry Fingering and Apple Hand-Job flavours.

Apparently other countries have cottoned on to the hideous perversions being perpetrated in the UK, and have attempted to solve the problem by removing the faces from the fruits.

All seems well, until you notice Mr Anthro-Bean is rubbing a cherry into his crotch! This is even worse than what has come before! By removing the faces of those involved in this disgusting display of citrus-based fucking, the audience is encouraged to objectify fruit!

Fruit are our friends! Their noble sacrifice allows us to enjoy the banana split and the apple pie, or even a Waldorf salad, if you're completely devoid of even the most rudimentary sense of taste. They deserve better from their animal overlords than to be subjected to this kind of filth. First American Pie, and now this.

I will be writing a stiff letter to the Times about this, I promise you.


Chemie said...

Unless green jelly bean has bits in strange places he is merely carrying that Strawberry...possibly to his bedroom to make some sweet sweet jam.

SpaceSquid said...

I'm pretty sure he's in the process of lowering the strawberry into position. A man who rubs cherries into his genitals does not get the benefit of any doubt.

Chemie said...

I think it is worth pointing out the the green-bean does not have any interest in pineapples, so your 'rubbing' supposition stands.