Having already broken the seal by mentioning the dreaded Xmas last week, I don't feel too bad bringing this article to your attention, courtesy of Daily Kos. It's from last Christmas, in fact, but I missed it at the time, probably because even I had too much respect for Republicans to think they'd end up with Herman Cain as one of their top two presidential candidates (albeit temporarily - please, FSM, tell me it's just temporarily).
It's actually truly impressive, in terms of its construction. Trying to run Jesus' life through a hard-right prism is always liable to raise some laughs, but Cain's variant is in a league of its own. It's not worth the necessary ergs of intellectual processing to consider Cain's contention that Jesus was sentenced to death by a "liberal" court, any more than it would be worthwhile arguing with a Steve Irwin fan convinced his hero was stabbed to death by a Nazi stingray (IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: Nazi stingrays would be awesome), but the "Jesus didn't need big government" line of argument has to be read to be believed.
Yes, Mr Cain. Jesus didn't require food stamps, or a healthcare system, or social workers. You know why? Because he had magical fucking powers! The very moment - the very nanosecond - that you work out how conservatives can cure cancer by touching people, I promise you I'll be willing to revisit the idea of universal health coverage.