So a few months ago, I promised the incomparably lovely Talia that I'd put together a post on wenching for her. I don't remember why exactly, it probably involved cider. But a deal's a deal. The only problem was: what the hell am I supposed to actually say?
I thought about cheating, actually, and discussing the life and work of Professor Wen Ching Li, but then I remembered that number theory is the very mathematics of Satan, and therefore deserving not of a post on this blog, but of utter extermination throughout all tine and space (though in fairness it's still better than mathematical physics). So that's out.
Part of the problem is defining what a wench actually is. Like so many historical terms, the word has picked up an awful lot of meanings, some of them less than complimentary. There are undertones of low social status and prostitution in there, because, well, of course there are. I doubt you'll find any concept of women providing any kind of service without it eventually turning into some kind of implication that they're providing that service. Why else are so many pixels taken up across the internet with "sexy" nurses and French maids? 
So let's stick with the less unpleasant reading of the term: an attractive woman serving you beer, possibly whilst on board a pirate ship. Honest to God, what could possibly be more awesome than that? The answer, quite clearly, is nothing, as the chart below ably demonstrates:
So let's hear it for wenches! The most perfect combination of my endless love for the ocean, my borderline addiction to alcohol, and my entirely unsurprising interest in pretty ladies. May their overflowing tankards and ribald jests (seriously, how awesome a word is "ribald") remain a feature of this world until the sun itself
Next week on Unexpected Sexytime Blogging: slatterns; is it time we gave them another chance?
 I know that the standard belief is that there's something inherently sexy in the uniform. I confess that I've never been able to understand that. Sure, I get how the various Anne Summers-style costumes work, but that's got nothing to do with anything other than the fact that men like plunging necklines, short skirts and stockings. Which of course is pretty much how people imagine the "sexy wench" in the first place, of course.