Grumble Grumble Universe Can Go Fuck Itself Grumble

Still here, folks. In fact, I have loads of awesome things I want to put up. Tragically, though, the free trial version of Photoshop I downloaded in order to make me King of the Intertubes (I shall be a benevolent and loving dictator, I promise. Also: send me all your sexiest virgins) is entirely broken. This has delayed me for a while. Plus, there's still the house-moving fiasco going on. Currently, this process can be summed up as follows:

Friday lunch-time

Nice House Lady: Give me all the money in the world, please.
SpaceSquid: Here is all the money in the world. Do I have a flat now?
Nice House Lady: No. I also need my fee.
SpaceSquid: Then here is all the money in the world, plus some shiny rocks from the Krupier belt.
Nice House Lady: You can have a house in three days, if you're good.
SpaceSquid: YAY!
Nice House Lady: Now that I have removed all the money in the world and placed it in an invisible safe guarded by a robotic laser-crab, I can tell you that your bathroom has sprung a leak, so you can't move in.
SpaceSquid: Damn you, fickle fate!
Nice House Lady: Don't worry, it will be fixed by Monday.
SpaceSquid: Yay! Thank you, Nice House Lady.

Monday morning

Nice House Lady: Hi. So, guess what isn't fixed yet?

(This, by the way, was a story I was totally going to tell using Photoshop, but this is obviously goddamn fucking impossible).

So, yeah. Big plans for the blog, but they're going to have to wait at least a little while longer, whilst I continue to search for anyone in the world with the slightest scrap of competence.

Much Better Bloggers 2: Allie

Hyperbole and a Half is awesome in general, but this post is particularly brilliant, as well as in keeping with one of my increasingly recurring themes. I remember trying out a similar series of tests on Storm (I don't think we ever got the chance to study Josh) and being surprised that she was as smart as the results claimed she was. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but I've always worked on the principle that she's a particularly stupid dog. I mean, if that's above average intelligence, I fear for anyone with a guide dog.

Take some time to poke around the rest of the site, by the way. It's brilliant. It may also have galvanized me to increase the pace of a plan I've had buried in my head for a month or so now, involving a camera, Photoshop, and a multitude of furry sea creatures.

h/t to Balloon Juice.

Quz 5

This one proved pretty tough for my regulars, though generally speaking you guys seem to perform with perfect inverse correlation to my collection of grizzled bar-flies, so you might actually be OK. 31 is the score to beat...

(Edit: I have no idea why the font on this thing is being so annoying, but I don't have the time to fix it. Sorry.)

Round 1: Word

(Every word ends in “ball”)

1. To block, vote against, or socially ostracise. Blackball

2. An American term for anything considered cliché or overly sentimental. Cornball

3. To place in storage or render inactive. Mothball

4. A cocktail popular in the ‘70s made from Advocaat, lemonade, and lime juice. Snowball

5. A mixture of heroin and cocaine. Speedball

Round 2: South Africa

1. South Africa has three capitals. The executive capital is Pretoria, and the legislative capital is Cape Town. Where is the judicial capital? Bloemfontein

2. Which significant landmark is featured on the flag of Cape Town and various local government insignia? Table Mountain

3. Which 1987 film, directed by Richard Attenbrough and set in '70s South Africa, is a fictionalised account of the friendship between the anti-apartheid activist Steve Biko and the journalist Donald Woods? Cry Freedom

4. The Second Boer War, more commonly referred to as simply The Boer War, lasted for two and a half years, and was fought between the British Empire on one side and an alliance of the Transvaal Republic and which other free state on the other? Orange Free State

5. Which album did Paul Simon record with the help of various South African musicians, leading to a controversy over whether doing so broke the cultural boycott being practised at the time? Graceland

Round 3: Great English Failures

1. Which legendary climber, when asked why he wanted to climb Mt Everest, replied "Because it's there!", but was lost on his 1924 ascent leaving it unclear whether he ever made the summit? George Herbert Leigh Mallory

2. From which UK port did Titanic leave for America? Southampton

3. Which member of Scott's Terra Nova expedition famously dies with the last words, "I am just going outside and may be some time."? Lawrence Oates

4. Which sporting competition took its name in 1882 from a satirical obituary mourning an English defeat at the hands of Australia? The Ashes

5. What was the full name of the British Martian lander which crash-landed and forever lost communication on Christmas Day 2003? Beagle II

Round 4: Other Worlds

1. Before landing on Earth to be found and raised by Jonathan and Martha Kent, from which planet’s violent destruction was an infant Superman saved? Krypton

2. According to Irish mythology, what world could be reached only by either an arduous voyage across the sea far to the West, or by the invitation of one of its faery inhabitants? Tir Nar Nog

3. Which character in “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” hailed originally not from Narnia, but from Charn, a world obliterated entirely when they spoke aloud the Deplorable World? The White Witch

4. In “Alice in Wonderland“, written by Charles Lewis Dodgson under the pen name Lewis Carroll, which character is supposedly meant to represent the writer himself? The Dodo

5. Which alien race, created by Gene L Coon in the Sixties and with hundreds of film and television appearances since, hail from the Beta Quadrant world of Qo’nos? Klingons

Round 5: Sporting Trophies

1.The America’s Cup, the oldest active sporting trophy in the world, takes its name from what? A boat (the first one to win the race)

2. The Jules Rimet trophy, which was awarded to World Cup winners until replaced by the FIFA World Cup in 1974, is made from gold and lapis lazuli and features a depiction of which Goddess? (I'll accept her name, or what she is the Goddess of) Nike/Victoria, Goddess of Victory

3. The Venus Rosewater dish briefly given to each winner of the Wimbledon Women's Singles Tournament is in fact a replica made in 1864. The original, which was made from pewter in the 1500s, is currently kept in which European museum? The Louvre

4. In 1999 Evander Holyfield controversially retain the World Heavyweight Boxing Belt following his fight against whom at Madison Square Garden, which was declared a draw despite many people believing his opponent was the clear victor? Lennox Lewis

5. In which race does one competitor win the "combativity award" after each stage? Tour de France

Round 6: Face-Offs

1. What name did the Norse give to the apocalyptic battle they believed would ultimately consume all nine worlds? Ragnarok

2. At which Swiss waterfall did Professor James Moriarty meet his end, having tried unsuccessfully to kill Sherlock Holmes there? Reichenbach Falls

3. Who was the first and only President of the Confederate States of America, and thus Abraham Lincoln's opposite number during the American Civil War? Jefferson Davis

4. Who wrote the song "Spanish Train" in 1975, in which God and the Devil play first cards and then chess for the souls of the damned? Chris de Burgh

5. In 1942 Winston Churchill famously said "This is not the end, it is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." About which large-scale and pivotal battle, fought most famously between Bernard Montgomery and Erwin Rommel, was he referring? El Alamein

General Knowledge

1. What is the name of Joe’s chief Aborigine? Bourneville

2. Third and largest of the Olympic-class ships of the White Star Line, which sister ship to the Titanic sank in 1916 after striking a mine off the Greek island of Kea? Britannic

3. How many syllables are contained in a haiku? 17

4. Which historical residence, about 45 kilometres Northwest of Madrid, was built by Philip II of Spain and is the burial site of most Spanish kings, both Bourbon and Habsburg, since that time? El Escorial

5. General David Petraeus replaced General Stanley McChrystal as Supreme Commander of the International Security Assistance Force in Afghanistan this week after the former criticised President Obama in an interview with which magazine? Rolling Stone

6. Which Parisian hill bears the Basilica of the Sacre Coeur, and gives its name to the surrounding district famous for its long list of associated artists, which includes Dali, Monet, Picasso, and van Gogh? Montmarte

7. What was Harrison Ford's profession when George Lucas cast him in "American Graffiti"? Carpenter

8. First rediscovered in 1901, from which ancient city-state did the set of legal rules known as the Code of Hammurabi originate? Babylon

9. In the mid-eighteenth century British officers added a net to the traditional game of battledore and shuttlecock and hence created badminton. In which then British colony were they stationed at the time? India

10. What kind of food is the Japanese dish sashimi? Raw fish

A Day Late, A Buck Short

Grr. Having a million things to do is so irritating. I was all ready to go to town on this, for example. I've seen American politicians - and not just Republicans, by any means - do some lunatic things, but threatening to sue your opponent for preventing you hiding your own platform seemed pretty far out there even by US standards.

My immediate response to this was: why not publish anyway? Reid's chances of victory looked horribly bleak before Angle was chosen as his opponent, but the latter is such an obvious nutball the outlook has gotten somewhat brighter (though I'm not sure I'd put money on him keeping his seat). What better way to play on the lunatic angle (no pun intended) than enter into a noisy court battle?

Since then I've discovered that there were two issues, though; the copyright of Angle's crazy, and the possibility that the Reid campaign might end up with people accidentally giving their details thinking they were helping his opponent. Clearly, that latter part is a justifiable concern, so I'd changed my stance from "publish and be damned" to "publish absent detail collection and be damned" (which, admittedly, is somewhat less snappy).

So, that was going to be today's post. Annoyingly for me, though, Reid has already done it. I'm looking forward enormously to seeing what Angle does next. As far as I can see, this looks like being a story she should desperately want to kill as soon as possible.

Economobics

It's time for another episode of "Worthless American Pundits" (previously featuring Charles "Can we ever know for sure bombing innocent brown people won't reduce terrorism?" Krauthammer). This time around, it's Mr David Brooks. Take it away, Dave:

Many economists say we need another stimulus bill. They debate about whether the stimulus should take the form of tax cuts or spending increases, but the ones in your party are committed to spending increases.

Well, "debate" might be too strong a term here, but OK, let's go with it:

These Demand Siders have very high I.Q.’s, but they seem to be strangers to doubt and modesty. They have total faith in their models. But all schools of economic thought have taken their lumps over the past few years. Are you really willing to risk national insolvency on the basis of a model?

First of all - and given the state of American economic discourse, this is critical - anyone calling Demand Siders dogmatic and immodest in comparison to those pushing for another round of tax cuts needs to go fuck themselves without delay. Krugman et al might not actually turn out to be right this time around, but the idea that any mistakes they make might have been avoided if only they'd been so reasonable and humble as those who are convinced as an article of faith that the US is behind the Laffer curve is as insulting as it is foolish.

Secondly "all schools of economic thought thave taken their lumps" is a term straight out of the false equivalency playbook: since no viewpoint is foolproof, they can all be considered equal. You know, like how if I toss a coin and call heads, I'm just as unreliable a predictor when it comes down tails as the guy next to me who guessed it would turn into a peacock.

The Demand Siders don’t have a good explanation for the past two years.

As Steve Benen points out, they most certainly do have a good explanation, it's just that Brooks doesn't understand it, or is claiming not to. He's not an expert, you see, which is why this entire column is dedicated to the argument that just because you're an expert, it doesn't mean you're necessarily right.

Which, y'know, d'uh. These people aren't Gods. But Brooks and his ilk always frame the discussion this way. "Why should we automatically believe an expert is right?". The formulation that's important, and Brooks is desperate to avoid, is very different "Why would you argue experts aren't likely to be right because non-experts don't agree?". Benen is annoyed over Brook's suggestion that Demand Siders are recommending a dangerous game:

[T]hreats about "national insolvency" from additional stimulus are silly.

Well, I wouldn't know, though it seems to me any attempt to solve this crisis carries attendant risks. That isn't really what's wrong with Brook's article, though. Brook's piece is worthless because he lacks the understanding and/or intellectual honesty to compare the risks of the strategies he's decrying with the strategies he's recommending. If he wants to tell me why the risks he wants to run are less likely and/or serious than the ones Krugman is prepared to accept, that would be different. But Brooks lacks the chops for that, of course, so instead he's reduced to arguing that because one approach is risky and potentially flawed, his alternate course of action can be deemed superior without inspection.

That on its own terms would be intellectually lazy and probably somewhat dishonest, but when you combine it with Brooks telling those more knowledgeable and more experienced, and who have put more work into the problem, that they're being "arrogant", one rather feels that he's pushed himself into the realm of outrageously pompous and self-deluded mendacious charlatans. Y'know, again.

Doubtless there will be many other pieces like this, from many other people, arguing that obviously superior experience, knowledge and intelligence is immediately worthless in the hands of someone who can't persuade "the people" (by which David Brooks means: David Brooks). Reading this kind of article is akin to watching a drunkard push Mozart away from a piano, whilst screaming his playing will entrance the audience far more because he'll be hitting the keys with monkeys that are on fire.

Busy Busy Busy

Man, this is an insanely busy month. On top of the standard crises (two papers to write, a quiz to put together, layman's statistics to compile), my esteemed flatmate and myself have a little less than four weeks to gather together all our worldly possessions and cart them over to our brand new flat. I mean, the flat itself is gorgeous; I'm really looking forward to living there. The actual process, however, is liable to kill me, and I've only been going for a few days.

This means that updates might be a little irregular over the course of the month. I'm not sure how much time I'll have to peruse Lucifer or consider Cannonball, and right now I can't find much of interest on the intertubes to write about.

Anyway, we'll see how it goes. Today, at least, I can offer this - via Obsidian Wings - in which Jim Henley laments that disturbing part of the human condition that leads it to conclude that diplomacy fails if it doesn't work immediately, and violence can only ever fail if we don't give it forever to work.

Binomial Curious

Stats articles: we gots them.