Hat In Hand

So, my interview went well.  Not well, enough, though, so I am still apparently fated for a life of miserable destitution.

That is, of course, unless you give just five pounds a month to sponsor a mathematician!

Each sponsor will receive the following:

• A monthly newsletter, filled with explanations as to why your sponsored mathematician hasn't produced anything;
• A signed photograph of the mathematician's PhD;
• A pledge to name a conjecture (£5 per month), lemma (£30 p.m.) or theorem (£500 p.m.) after the sponsor in the unlikely event such a thing is ever produced.

Please consider the plight of these deluded social pariahs in these troubled times, and donate to your nearest mathematician sanctuary (sometimes referred to as "departments"). Each one does its very best to allow mathematicians to live as nature intended: surrounded by coffee and endless distractions.

An entirely average example of the kind of mathematician who could become "indebted" to you TODAY!

Remember: give a man a fish, and he'll feed himself for a day.  Give a mathematician a fish, and he'll exchange it for booze and not show up to work for three days. Best stick to letting us pay for the coffee, is what we're saying.