Well, not really an emergency, I guess, so much as horribly limited time, stuck as I am with one of the coin-guzzling steam-powered "computers" the Travelodge has burdened me with.
All I want to say, really, is that Cambridge = Durham - Hills + Tourist Hordes (whether this constitutes an improvement is mainly down to individual taste), and that if you ever find yourself down here, a visit to Caffe Uno would be entirely worth your time, because it is excellent. Ask for the tiramisu. 
Further, it turns out my reputation has spread as far as Cambridge. When asked for my name today, I was told, in distinctly suspicious tones, "Yeah, I figured that would be you".
"The only thing worse than being talked about...", I guess.
 Also, ask for the ridiculously cute waitress. I can't guarantee she'll be there, but it has to be worth a try.